Before You're Anywhere Near the Bedroom
"In
a good sexual relationship, you touch each other all the time — not just in
bed. When you talk to your lover, put your hand on his or rub his back for a
few minutes. When you're driving, rest your hand on his thigh. When couples
touch each other, it's a way of expressing warmth and keeping that 'united'
feeling alive. All touching doesn't need to lead to sex, but it is a part of
being physically intimate."
—Brenda Venus, author of Secrets of Seduction for Women (Dutton, 1997)
—Brenda Venus, author of Secrets of Seduction for Women (Dutton, 1997)
"As
a rule, women take longer to get sexually aroused, so start by yourself before
you get into bed. Spend 30 minutes taking a bath with candles and fondling
yourself."
—Debora Peterson, coauthor with Thom E. King of The Good Girls' Guide to Great Sex (Harmony, 1997)
—Debora Peterson, coauthor with Thom E. King of The Good Girls' Guide to Great Sex (Harmony, 1997)
"Most
men like it when a woman takes the initiative. Why not send him an erotic
e-mail? In very specific detail, tell him how much you desire him and what
you'll do to him the minute he comes home. If you're sending the message to his
work computer, make sure no one else can open his e-mail!"
—Judy Kuriansky, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship (Alpha, 1997) and radio host of the nationally syndicated show Love Phones
—Judy Kuriansky, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship (Alpha, 1997) and radio host of the nationally syndicated show Love Phones
Setting a Sexy Stage
"Most
men are visually oriented. You might consider leaving some lights on and asking
him to watch while you're performing oral sex or having intercourse or even
when you're getting ready to go to bed with him. If you feel self-conscious
about your body, do this semiclothed — wear one of his shirts completely
unbuttoned; men love it when women borrow their clothes."
—Lou Paget, creator of the Sexuality Seminars, a Beverly Hills-based company that offers educational seminars on how to make love
—Lou Paget, creator of the Sexuality Seminars, a Beverly Hills-based company that offers educational seminars on how to make love
Oral Supersex Lessons
"If
you want to get your guy off orally, first spend some time stimulating his body
from the navel to the knees with your hair. It feels great! Then, focus your
warm breath and kisses on the head of his penis and the part that's just
beneath. For most men, the sensation is the same as if you had the entire penis
in your mouth. Also, make hand play an active part of oral sex —
lightly caress his testicles and stroke the shaft of his penis. This helps
increase the intensity of whatever you're doing with your mouth."
—Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On (Goofy Foot Press, 1997)
—Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On (Goofy Foot Press, 1997)
"Freeze
some grapes in a Ziploc bag. Once they're ice-cold, put them in your mouth.
Then begin oral sex. The temperature and sensation produced by the grapes while
you're giving him oral sex is incredible. You might want to try spraying your
mouth with Binaca or using mint-flavored toothpaste right before going down on
him. This will give his penis a nice warm feeling."
—Cricket Richmond, author of Secrets of Sizzling Sex (Hourglass Publishing, 1994)
—Cricket Richmond, author of Secrets of Sizzling Sex (Hourglass Publishing, 1994)
"If
you don't like the taste of semen at all or want to protect yourself against
disease, ask your man to wear a Sheik Elite mint-flavored condom. It has an
amazing taste."
—Suzi Landolphi, author of The Best Love, The Best Sex (Putnam, 1996) and cofounder of the first all-condom store, Condomania, in New York City
—Suzi Landolphi, author of The Best Love, The Best Sex (Putnam, 1996) and cofounder of the first all-condom store, Condomania, in New York City
Getting Your Oral Sextasy
"If
your partner hasn't pleasured you orally and you'd like him to, have a talk
about it. Just say, 'I'd really like it if you'd go down on me, but I haven't
seen that happen yet. Could you tell me what's going on?'"
—Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, Oakland-based sex therapist and author of The New Male Sexuality (Bantam, 1993)
—Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, Oakland-based sex therapist and author of The New Male Sexuality (Bantam, 1993)
"You
must believe that men find vaginal secretions to be aphrodisiacal. So stop
worrying about vaginal odors and get used to the fact that men get turned on
when they have oral sex with
a woman."
—Sue Johanson, Toronto-based sex educator and counselor and host of The Sunday Night Sex Show on WTN
—Sue Johanson, Toronto-based sex educator and counselor and host of The Sunday Night Sex Show on WTN
"If
you are comfortable, hold your labia open so your man has better access while
giving you oral sex.
Spreading the labia heightens the sensation, and if he's down there using his
hands to hold everything open, they can become cramped and stiff pretty quickly
— this way his hands are free to pleasure you in other places."
—Lou Paget
—Lou Paget
Going Hand-to-Hand
"When
you're giving a hand
job, try a technique I call Ode to Brian. It may sound complicated
at first, but when you get into the rhythm of it, your movements will just
flow. Do the following steps, alternating hands: Make a U-shape with your
fingers and thumb at the bottom of his shaft and your palm facing away from
you. Stroke up, and when you reach the head, twist over the top with as much of
your palm in contact with the head of the penis as possible and come down the
other side. Then do the same with your other hand and keep on alternating hands
— for as long as he can last!"
—Lou Paget
—Lou Paget
"Another
fabulous hand-job technique is one I call the Basket Weave. Use a water-based
lubricant, and while sitting in front of him, lace your fingers together and
wrap them around his penis. Rather than a simple up-and-down motion, twist as
you go up and down, thumbs facing you. You can also add a little pulsing while
twisting."
—Lou Paget
—Lou Paget
"Getting
your man to masturbate while you're also fondling his penis is a huge turn-on
for both you and your man. Begin by watching a sexy video like Tracy, I
Love You or Insatiable. (If you don't want to hunt
these down at your local video store, order erotic movies through The Sexuality
Library at 800-289-8423.) Ask him to act out some of the moves in the
movie."
—Cricket Richmond
—Cricket Richmond
Giving Him Getting-You-Off Guidance
"To
help him best delight you with his hands, provide lots of coaching and be
patient. One thing a woman can do: Offer valuable feedback without saying a
word. Wrap your hand around one of his fingers or his penis, and when he does
something you particularly like, give a squeeze, if you're not comfortable
actually telling him. This type of nonverbal feedback can be so helpful to a
guy who's doing his best to please you."
—Paul Joannides
—Paul Joannides
"When
your partner is masturbating you, ask him to tug playfully on your pubic hairs.
This adds a slight feeling of tension that turns on many women."
—Cricket Richmond
—Cricket Richmond
"Use
pillows. Slip one under your hips so that during missionary-position
intercourse, there's less opportunity for him to slip out. Plus, when he's
performing oral sex on
you, his neck won't get so cramped. You can prop up his head and lower back
with pillows so he has a better view while you're down between his legs."
—Lou Paget
—Lou Paget
Big, Bigger, Biggest Big O's
"Here's
a tip to make yours and his orgasms more intense, plus help each of you last longer before exploding. He has to
be aware of what you're going to do. Before either of you orgasm, stop
intercourse or touching yourselves directly and switch gears. You might pull
away and give each other a massage for a few minutes. Then you can resume. Keep
bringing yourselves close to orgasm, building to that peak, so that by the time
you do finally climax, your orgasms will be all the more explosive."
—Debora Peterson
—Debora Peterson
"Use
each piece of furniture for a different sexual act or position. Have sex under
the piano, on a chair, and in front of a window. Over the course of a
relationship, you will have created sexual memories, which means your home will
be a more eroticized environment."
—James Petersen, senior staff writer for Playboy and author of 365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life(Dutton, 1997)
—James Petersen, senior staff writer for Playboy and author of 365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life(Dutton, 1997)
"Live
in the surprise of the moment — you never know when you're going to feel that
special intimacy that is so connected to deep and wonderful sex. You may both
be sick and shuffling around, pale and sniffly, but then you give each other a
passing kiss, and suddenly, it turns into a soulful kiss, and before you know
it, you've got the bathrobes off and you're down on the floor. That moment
can't be planned. So when passion hits, go with it — don't let practicalities
get in the way."
—SARK, author of Succulent Wild Women (Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 1997)
—SARK, author of Succulent Wild Women (Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 1997)
Sex Toys 'R' Us
"A
new, soft, manual toothbrush is an incredible sex toy that will provide
pleasure for both of you. Ask your man to run the bristles over your breasts
and entire body — the sensation is truly erotic. He should brush gently around
your vaginal area, especially the opening. Then you can stimulate his body —
try focusing on his nipples. Although most men don't say it (and many don't
even know it!), the nipples are usually very sensitive — a secret erogenous
zone."
—Cricket Richmond
—Cricket Richmond
"Use a vibrator
during sex. Good Vibrations' most popular is the Hitachi Magic Wand
($45; to order, call 800-289-8423), a foot-long dildo with a tennis-ball-size
head that's used on the outside of your vagina. Couples like it because it's
great for foreplay — gives a wonderful massage — plus you can incorporate it
into lovemaking. During intercourse, in the face-to-face position, the wand
fits nicely between two bodies. A man can enjoy the indirect vibration when
he's inside you while you're using the wand to stimulate your clitoris."
—Anne Semans, coauthor with Cathy Winks of The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (Cleis, 1997)
—Anne Semans, coauthor with Cathy Winks of The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (Cleis, 1997)
"Wear
a long strand of pearls knotted around your neck — almost every man finds
pearls supersexy. Seductively untie and remove them. Gently run the pearls over
your man's entire body. Start with his head and face and work your way down to
his toes, but avoid his penis, saving it for last. When you finally get there,
wrap the pearls around his penis and sort of roll the individual pearls around
and press them on his skin. This unique-feeling stimulation is a major
turn-on."
—Cricket Richmond
—Cricket Richmond
"Good
sex is sex that's always different. To make things interesting, use different
products during foreplay. Bring chocolate body paint to bed (order from
Seasons, 800-776-9677), and apply it all over each other. Use a feather duster
to apply honey dust (available at any sex shop) to various body parts, then
lick it off."
—Cricket Richmond
—Cricket Richmond
A Little Bit Kinky
"Everyone
has secret sexual fantasies that they don't reveal even to their partner.
Here's one way to share them: Both of you write three fantasies on a piece of
paper and number them from 1 to 6. Toss a die and pick whichever number comes
up with the promise you'll act it out. He may want you to shave your pubic hair
or go to the supermarket wearing nothing but a raincoat. You may want him to
have sex with you in the shower or tie you up. You're both on your honor to do
whatever!"
—Graham Masterton, author of Secrets of the Sexually Irresistible Woman (Signet, 1998)
—Graham Masterton, author of Secrets of the Sexually Irresistible Woman (Signet, 1998)
"Call
him — even if he's in the same house — and have great phone sex. The safety of
not looking each other in the eye allows both of you to tell each other things
you might be embarrassed to say when you're face-to-face. When you get him on
the line, tell him how hot you're getting just thinking about his penis.
Hearing someone describe how she or he is feeling and reacting is a huge
turn-on."
—Sue Johanson
—Sue Johanson
"For most guys,
lusty talk is a turn-on. You can start off lightly — say, 'I love feeling your
tongue there' — and slowly escalate to using four-letter words. If you're
wondering how a partner might react to explicit sex talk, ask him. Say,
'Sometimes when we're making love, I just feel like yelling out some dirty
words, but I don't know how you'd react.' If you want him to join in, tell him:
'It really turns me on if I hear some down-and-dirty sex talk from you — are
you okay with that?'"
—Bernie Zilbergeld
—Bernie Zilbergeld






